{ Friday, February 23, 2007 } 12:39 AM

Up here for a little update

Ok, here I am just to type a little something before I go back to bed to for a little sweet dream and then wake up for work tomorrow.

Today was my off day. I decided to treat my mum to lunch but she refused. Oh well. She thinks I should treat her on a day when my dad would be around as well. True la. So I didn't pester her.

Then, she wanted me to prepare dinner. Usually I wouldn't comply, but today I felt quite in the mood, so I started preparing dinner. Argh! I took such a long time. I started at 6 pm and finished at 8 pm. how slow can I be?



The dish I was most proud of was my prawns. The eggs were bland and the cabbage was salty. How can I ever be a presentable cook this way??? Must improve. She wants me to cook daily once I quit my job.

Oh yeah, I told Esther, my chief cashier, that I want to quit. But because of some scheme that NTUC Fairprice and OCBC Bank has come up with, I can only leave on 11th March. Which means 16 more days to hold out. Oh man!

But right now I am feeling a little lost. I think I am getting used to the job, in the sense that I know how things work generally, so I kind of refuse to leave such an environment and settle in a new one. I know I am the kind of person who only wants a familiar place... It's not a quality at all. But I am feeling very scared. Scared sounds weird though. I just don't know what I want. I said I want a job at a hospital and I never got one, and I don't think I want to travel that far.

Ok, I am sounding a little incoherent but I'm really sorry. When I am troubled I just type a lot without thinking.

As I was saying, on one hand, my cashiering job doesn't seem to be that bad after all. But I know I don't want anymore hands with skin that are peeling off or nails are that flaking off. I don't want to serve inconsiderate customers anymore. But if I don't continue with NTUC, I won't have income. No income means no money. No money means I can't take up courses that I am interested in, or buy my Nokia N93/N93i/N95.

But then again, I don't think I want to change my phone just yet. And being on shift kind of tires me out. I can't go out with my friends or family, nor can I take up courses because my working hours keep changing.

But 5.25 dollars an hour is not bad. Although not very high, but this amount is ok because when you are working you kind of go into an automatic mode. You don't have to think at all.

And I was thinking, if I try out relief teaching, I will need new clothes. I am fat. Not easy to get appropriate clothing. And I am very unfamiliar with it. And it's not a job which you can work daily, or have a fixed income. That's also why I didn't start off with relief teaching initially last year.

So many things to consider even when I want to change a job. Whenever it comes to making decisions I just feel like crying. I desperately need to talk to someone but who can I talk to?

I know I can always tell Esther that I don't want to quit just yet but somehow the thought that I am leaving kinda excites me.

Hui Min is trying to tell me that I should get some new experience. Grace Chua and Mary thinks that I should do something that gets me a chance in Medicine if I still want to try out Medicine. I don't know. I don't know what I want. Should I listen to you guys or my parents? They aren't very happy that I resigned without telling them. They thought that my job was okay and good (because sometimes, although rarely, you get an off day every 3 to 5 days). And that I should continue with it.

I seriously don't know. I fear a lot of things. I keep worrying. I hate my present situation, where I am so uncertain about things around me.

I am breaking down soon.