{ Wednesday, March 29, 2006 } 9:15 PM

It's stressful to live with me

Today, I began to think about my relationship with my family.

Today's cross country at MacRitchie. Went and reached home at around 1 plus. Then I had my lunch and chatted online then went to buy groceries and then came back and fell asleep on my bed.

While my mum was telling me what to buy, I was chatting and wasn't even giving her 10 percent of my attention. My sister wanted to use the computer, and I kept telling her to go away. My cousin who went overseas for studies was online and I guess he rally missed us and wanted to talk to us but then I didn't felt like giving him more attention. I didn't even tell my mum that he was online, until he went offline.

See how bad I am? I was engrossed in looking up my entertainment online.

I wonder how my family tolerates with me living in my own world and me being so mean to my sisters and my mum's daughter not caring about her. And nowadays I don't even speak up to 10 sentences with my dad.

They are my closest kins, you know.

Then today I was so tired after the MacRitchie thing that I fell asleep right? They called me up for dinner umpteen times. I refused to wake up, and they were waiting for me to have dinner. And when I finally did wake up, my sister was kinda happy to see me, but I shot her this murderous look. She stopped in her tracks.

Ok, I know it's really mean of me. My mum started to talk to me, I didn't reply. I don't know why this is happening to me. I am not trying to be rebellious. Just that I really need my sleep and time to do my things.... Ok, I don't know what.

Just now my dad was playing with my sister... as in, fooling around la. I was like, totally out of that thing and couldn't care less. My family was joking around with each other and I was copying my lecture notes. I'm that cold to them.

Then I realised that, if I ever get married, it's stressful to live with me, seriously. Or to even mix into my life, try to get my attention, try to be with me, if not married but dating.

It's super stressful to be with me. He has to spend time on his own, and so what's the point? I'm not getting engaged with anyone, to bring lesser miseries to the world. I have to fight the battle alone. I'm a loner. Although I'll need people to share my joys and worries, but it's super stressful to be with me waiting for such moments to occur.

No, don't even bother.